I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
