The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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