I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
