What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
