Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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