If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
