they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
