Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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