Someone shit on the floor
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
