i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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