So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
