can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
