i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize