I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
