He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
