Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
