Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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