he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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