I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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