Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
