OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
