Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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