i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
