This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
