like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
