Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
