So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
