I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
