I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We're too hungover to prance.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
