his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
