Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
