hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
