I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
