so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
