just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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