Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
