oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
