I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
