I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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