I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
