hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
