I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's rum buckets o'clock
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
