I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
