Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
