First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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