Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
