we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
