I must be too annoying 4 u.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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