At least make sure they are 18
Why
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
