Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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