i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
