Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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