I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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