Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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