I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can't motorboat a personality
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
