I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
