Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just google imaged poop.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
