i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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