I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
