you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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