If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
