I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
