i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
