you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
