I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this beer tastes like vomit already
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
